Random Thoughts and General Musings

My Parents

2011-05-10T11:39:00.006-05:00

My initial inspiration for this blog was the recent Mother’s Day holiday. My plan was to write a Mother’s Day post, but as soon as I started writing I realized that I really want to dedicate this to both my parents, because they both have been instrumental in shaping me into who I am today. And you don’t get one without the other - they come together as a package deal.

I know plenty of people who look back at their childhood and think, “Wow, I bet I can pinpoint exactly why I’m screwed up now.” They can think back to a certain argument with their parents that inevitably shaped their relationship with them. Or a careless statement made by a parent that shaped their own view of themselves. When I look back at my childhood I truly see the most carefree, joy-filled memories of my life, and I think “That is what I want mine and Shane’s children to experience with us.”

Some people argue the issue of nature versus nurture, and I am a strong believer that more often than not, nurture is the reigning champion. April, Emily, and I have always had (especially at childhood) totally different personalities, temperaments, interests, and ways of relating to others. Yet we all grew into strong, loving, Godly women who are capable of pursuing career and family goals, and maintaining healthy relationships with the people in our lives. I remember people coming up to my mom or dad and saying, “You really lucked out and got three amazing daughters.” I think it’s a far stretch to say it’s a coincidence that we turned out well. The only explanation needed is to take a closer look at who raised us.

Here are a few things I have learned from my parents:

To love God – The most important thing I’ve learned is to keep my relationship with God number one. Of course, with my Granddad being the pastor of our church growing up, it seemed like we were at church any time the doors were open. But they didn’t go to church and act one way, and then come home and act a totally different way. They have always lived what they believe.

To be myself – They never once said, “You should play this sport, or participate in this activity instead of that one.” They let us choose what we wanted to do, based on what interested us. Maybe I would have been better at soccer than at basketball, but I had no interest in soccer and loved basketball, so they encouraged me in basketball.

I can do anything - I can do and be whatever I desire to be, with God’s help.

Not to take myself too seriously. My family is very fun-loving, and willing to laugh at themselves. This doesn’t just make for entertaining family get-togethers, it really is important.

To take care of each other – Whenever any of us is in need of something, the rest of the family is always right there to pitch in and help out.

Family produces awesome friendships – My family members honestly are my best friends. My parents both have healthy relationships with their own parents, and I think that definitely provided a positive influence on us as well.

To serve other people – From watching my parents, I learned that when you see someone in need of help, you go help them. You don’t just say, “Oh tell me if you need something.” You just do it.

Hospitality – For as long as I can remember my parents have been very eager to have people over for dinner, or just to visit. And they are always willing to bend over backwards to make someone feel at home when they are visiting.

Commitment – This may be the most important one. My parents have been married for 32 years. During those years they have said repeatedly, not by their words but by their actions, “I am here for good. I’m not going anywhere, even if things get tough.”

Here are a few things my parents have given me:

Acceptance – My parents never pressured us to get all A’s in school. They said all they asked of us was that we truly did our best. I cannot think of ONE time in my life that either of my parents has criticized me for what I am, what I believe, or how I feel.

Encouragement – Acceptance and lack of criticism is nice to have, but it’s not enough to stop there. My parents always encouraged us in whatever we were striving to do, even if it wasn’t exactly what they had in mind for us. I can guarantee my Mom probably had many other ideas in mind for me outside of joining the military. But ever since I told her that’s what I wanted to do, she has been one of my greatest supporters.

Unfailing support – They have been there to walk with me through all of life’s big moments, from first steps and first words to graduations and first jobs. They have helped me through the happy moments and the sad – from the loss of family members and close friends, and leaving to join the military, to very recently, getting married.

A helping hand - They are always there to pick me up when I fall. No matter what kind of mess I get myself into, they are right there to gently pick me back up and get me back on track.

Time – Time is one of the most important gifts a parent can give their kids. My parents took the time to home-school us when we were young. My mom worked part-time, and the rest of the time she was home with us. My dad took us hunting, and taught us to shoot guns and go fishing. My mom taught us to cook, bake, sew, and read. My dad taught us to work with our hands, and how to cut the grass (though I definitely didn’t appreciate that one at the time). My mom taught us to love books, and to enjoy traveling to new places. My dad taught us how to build things. They helped us with homework and countless school projects. And if I had to guess, they are going to help teach all of those things to our children as well.

Sacrifice - When we were older, my parents sent us to a private Christian school. They didn’t send us to public school because it was cheaper and they would be able to drive brand new cars or go on extravagant vacations. They drove used cars and gave us the opportunity to attend the school they felt we would benefit from the most. I know that was a sacrifice.

Role models – My parents have shown me what it means to be a father, mother, husband, wife, and friend. They are not perfect, but they do their best. My parents have shown me what it is that I want for my children. Of course, being female, I’ve especially learned what I want to be as a mother. If I can be half the mother my mom was to me, I will consider myself to have accomplished quite a feat.

Shane gave me the best compliment the other day. We were talking about which characteristics I inherited from my dad, and which ones I got from my mom. He summed it up perfectly and said I got my dad's strength and my mom's heart. I agree 100%, and I am very grateful for it.

So even though it’s not Mother’s Day anymore and it’s not Father’s Day yet, I just want to say:

Mom and Dad, thank you. :)

Be Thankful For Your Potatoes

2011-04-03T23:44:00.005-05:00

I try to have a positive attitude - I try not to complain about things or be negative. Obviously I still do from time to time, but it really annoys me, so I try not to. Well, the other day I had been having one of those days where it seemed like I was focusing more on the negative things about the events, people, and circumstances surrounding me. I had just started my shift at work, and I had to go downstairs and pick up a dinner tray for a patient. She was on a special pureed diet, which meant it took them forever to make the tray, so I waited for quite a while, thinking about all the work I needed to be doing instead of sitting there waiting.

My attitude had definitely started going downhill by the time I got back upstairs with the tray. I took it into the patient's room, and asked her if she was hungry. She nodded her head so I started feeding her the dinner. She ate very quietly for a while, slowly gumming away at this pureed meal. It was potatoes, corn, and some type of meat, all mashed up into their own little patties of mush. As I stood there feeding her, I let my mind wander – I thought about the mashed up food, and wondered whether it actually tasted like the real thing, then about how hungry I was and finally about how I was already tired and still had 11 hours left on my shift.Then she finally said something, very quietly: "The food is good."

My self-centered train of thought came to a sudden halt as she spoke these words. Suddenly my heart broke for this frail woman stuck lying in bed day after day. She has suffered a stroke, can no longer speak clearly or move well at all, and has to be fed and changed like a toddler. Yet she is able to think of something positive to say about what is happening to her. Needless to say, I felt about 2 inches tall, and immediately felt the sting of tears in my eyes as I thought about how pathetic it is for me to complain about anything at all, when I am so obviously blessed. I have a wonderful family, friends, my health, the opportunity to serve my country, and to help sick and injured people, all while being paid to do so. And I have the nerve to complain about something.

I made a decision a few years ago to be a positive person, and I have decided to re-kindle that decision now. When I start to think negatively, I’m going to replace the negative thought with a positive one. It really is easier than it sounds. And it’s much easier to stop it at the thought stage than the speaking stage. I know from experience that what you think about and what you dwell on is what will eventually come out of your mouth. So I’m determined to think positively, so that I speak positively. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for, no matter how trying your circumstances may seem. And I thank that patient for reminding me of that.

“For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” – Matthew 12:34

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." - Psalm 19:14

God Heals the Heart

2011-01-15T19:15:00.004-06:00

God heals the heart

I’ve always heard this statement said to people who are going through difficult times, who have suffered loss, or are dealing with a tough situation. But I never knew the extent of its truthfulness until the past year or two. I am living proof that God not only heals the heart, He gives you even more than you could have possibly hoped for.

My High School Sweetheart

When I was 16, I went on a date with one of the guys from my 10^th grade class at school. After our date he dropped me off at my friend’s house. Standing on the doorstep, we parted ways with a goodbye kiss that left my heart racing. Today, nearly 12 years later, he still makes my heart race. And in 3 months he and I will stand on a beach in Florida and express our love for each other, and celebrate the many years we will have together as husband and wife. I thank God every day for him.

I think it’s awesome to be able to say that I found the love of my life when I was 16. I may not have realized it at the time, but I know it now. Over the past decade we have been on again and off again in much the same fashion as Ross and Rachel from Friends. But somehow in the back of my mind I knew it was him. He was the one God had planned for me - to grow old with me, and to make me the happiest person in the world. :)

Happy Birthday, Adam

2010-11-18T03:00:00.000-06:00

"I Am The Flag"

2010-09-11T17:00:00.003-05:00

I Am the Flag of the

United States

Of America

I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is Old Glory.
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.

I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am arrogant.
I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners,
My head is a little higher,
My colors a little truer.
I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped - I am saluted.
I am loved - I am revered.
I am respected - and I am feared.
I have fought in every battle of every war for more then 200 years. I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appomattox.
I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France,
in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy.
Guam, Okinawa, Korea and Khe Sanh, Saigon, Vietnam know me.
I'm presently in the mountains of Afghanistan and the hot and dusty deserts of Iraq and wherever freedom is needed.
I led my troops, I was dirty, battle-worn and tired,
But my soldiers cheered me and I was proud.
I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt for I am invincible.
I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled in the streets of my country.
And when it's done by those whom I've served in battle - it hurts.
But I shall overcome - for I am strong.
I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.
When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on the battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier,
Or when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent
at the grave of their fallen son or daughter,
I am proud.

Broken Dreams

2010-01-10T21:31:00.001-06:00

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

Because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How could you be so slow"

"My child," He said, "What could I do?

You never did let go."

Robert J. Burdette

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand"

2009-12-11T20:07:00.002-06:00

My mom and sister have started baking cookies, cakes, pies, and all kinds of other goodies. Well, I shouldn't say they just started doing it, because they've been baking for years. But they only recently created a blog page where you can actually see what they're cooking up, and get an idea of what you want to order! :)

Christmas cookies make a really good gift for family, friends, and co-workers. Or maybe you're headed to Great Aunt Edna's for Christmas dinner, and have been tasked with dessert. Instead of spending hours in the kitchen making something that may or may not taste like cardboard, let them do the work for you and you're guaranteed to get a dessert that will have everyone asking for seconds.

Check it out:

http://www.cakeboxgirls.blogspot.com/

In Memory of Adam

2009-12-05T01:00:00.006-06:00

A Soldier's Christmas Poem

2009-12-01T19:42:00.004-06:00

Written by Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt.

'Twas The Night Before Christmas,

He Lived All Alone,

In A One Bedroom House

Made Of Plaster And Stone.

I Had Come Down The Chimney

With Presents To Give,

And To See Just Who

In This Home Did Live.

I Looked All About,

A Strange Sight I Did See,

No Tinsel, No Presents,

Not Even A Tree.

No Stocking By Mantle,

Just Boots Filled With Sand,

On The Wall Hung Pictures

Of Far Distant Lands.

With Medals And Badges,

Awards Of All Kinds,

A Sober Thought

Came Through My Mind.

For This House Was Different,

It Was Dark And Dreary,

I Found The Home Of A Soldier,

Once I Could See Clearly.

The Soldier Lay Sleeping,

Silent, Alone,

Curled Up On The Floor

In This One Bedroom Home.

The Face Was So Gentle,

The Room In Such Disorder,

Not How I Pictured

A United States Soldier.

Was This The Hero

Of Whom I'd Just Read?

Curled Up On A Poncho,

The Floor For A Bed?

I Realized The Families

That I Saw This Night,

Owed Their Lives To These Soldiers

Who Were Willing To Fight.

Soon Round The World,

The Children Would Play,

And Grownups Would Celebrate

A Bright Christmas Day.

They All Enjoyed Freedom

Each Month Of The Year,

Because Of The Soldiers,

Like The One Lying Here.

I Couldn't Help Wonder

How Many Lay Alone,

On A Cold Christmas Eve

In A Land Far From Home.

The Very Thought

Brought A Tear To My Eye,

I Dropped To My Knees

And Started To Cry.

The Soldier Awakened

And I Heard A Rough Voice,

"Santa Don't Cry,

This Life Is My Choice;

I Fight For Freedom,

I Don't Ask For More,

My Life Is My God,

My Country, My Corps."

The Soldier Rolled Over

And Drifted To Sleep,

I Couldn't Control It,

I Continued To Weep.

I Kept Watch For Hours,

So Silent And Still

And We Both Shivered

From The Cold Night's Chill.

I Didn't Want To Leave

On That Cold, Dark, Night,

This Guardian Of Honor

So Willing To Fight.

Then The Soldier Rolled Over,

With A Voice Soft And Pure,

Whispered, "Carry On Santa,

It's Christmas Day, All Is Secure."

One Look At My Watch,

And I Knew He Was Right.

"Merry Christmas My Friend,

And To All A Good Night."

For an Angel on His Birthday

2009-11-18T04:00:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to an Angel

May you know how much you’re missed

By all of those whose lives you touched

Which are more than I could list.

May you enjoy this day

With your Father above,

In the light of His glory,

And wrapped in His love.

My prayers are with your family and friends

Who all are missing you so.

The ones who stood beside you

Through the years, and watched you grow

From a small boy full of mischief,

To a grown man proud and tall,

To a warrior filled with courage,

A fallen soldier who gave all.

Thank you, dear angel, for selflessly living

The life that you so freely gave

For love of your brothers, for love of your country,

The land of the free and the brave.

I’m sure of the words of our Father above

As into Heaven He welcomed you.

“Well done, my son, you’re finally home

My good servant, faithful and true.”

Happy Birthday Adam.

Did you PLAN your bear hunt in the wilderness?

2009-09-24T21:40:00.005-05:00

Walking with God does not mean walking with him when it's convenient, through a problem-free life that we have all planned out.

You may want to re-read that. I’ll give you a second. Ready? Good. The above statement is something that has, at times, been hard for me to accept. I’ve never actually heard this statement anywhere, but I came up with it in an attempt to encompass three common misconceptions about walking with God that have been hindering my own spiritual journey.

First, walking with God means walking with Him through life and all that comes with it. It does not mean you walk with Him around the problems, or above the tragedies, or somehow pray your way out of hardships and trials. I remember in preschool or kindergarten, when we would sing the song about going on a bear hunt. I don’t remember it exactly, but it involved running into several obstacles along the way. One was a river. And what choices were we faced with when we came to the river? “Can’t go over it, can’t go under it, can’t go around it, gotta go through it.”

That’s how the Christian life works. You gotta go through it. But no worries, God is right there with you. In Hebrews 13:5 He promises us “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”

Secondly, just because we’re walking with God doesn’t mean we get to make the plans. We can’t come up with a great plan, pray about it, and expect God to jump on board and bless it just because we ask Him to. That’s a little bit backwards. First you should pray about it then ask Him to show you how to follow His plan. So when something interrupts your plans, the question you’re faced with is this: Will I go with God on this journey, even though it’s not what I had planned? Will I go with Him anyway?

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” - Proverbs 16:9

Thirdly, walking with God does not mean walking with Him when it’s convenient, or when it serves our purposes, or when we think we will get something out of it. Basically, we need to either decide to walk with God 100%, or get out of the way. The decision to walk with God, and stay with Him, is not always going to look like the most exciting choice. Suppose someone gave you these two options:

1. Walk with God down this path and receive tons of blessings, or

2. Walk your own path, follow your own plans, and end up misguided and frustrated.

Obviously, this would be an easy choice. Now suppose someone gave you these options:

1. Walk with God down this path and lose your sense of worldly security (financial, social, etc), and face trials that will ultimately serve to make you grow, but will be painful. Or,

2. Walk your own path and live a relatively comfortable life with no intrusive obstacles along the way.

A slightly more difficult decision, right? I am not trying to over-simplify what it means to choose God’s ways over our own. I’m just trying to make the point that choosing the path God wants doesn't mean we’re choosing a painless, obstacle-free journey. But it does mean we have Him right beside us all along the way.

Right now I’m doing a Bible study that centers on the Israelites’ deliverance from Egypt, their journey to the Promised Land, and all the wandering they do in the meantime. The study invites each person to be willing to follow God into the “wilderness”, whatever that may be for him/her.

Everyone does not face the same wilderness. It may be something tragic that happens in your life. You lose a loved one, or lose a job, or a marriage that you thought would last forever begins to fall apart. It could simply be a situation that is frustrating you, because it’s not “what you had planned.” It could be something more voluntary, where you have to make the choice between journeying into the wilderness or staying safely where you are. However your individual wilderness manifests itself, the basic principles are the same.

Often when God allows a wilderness opportunity into our lives, it’s because He sees potential in us to be more and do more in our walk with Him. He’s not letting things into our lives because He’s mad at us, or because we haven’t passed some unwritten test. He does it so we will grow.

Don’t expect a short journey through the wilderness. You may get a short one, but don’t expect one. God will allow you to remain in your wilderness, face-to-face with it, until He has used it to fully develop your potential and cause you to grow. Remember that when you’re facing something in your life, before you attach any type of negative label to it, remember that God can use it for something positive. God’s ways are not our ways. There are no mistakes in His plan. The only mistake would be to not trust Him to lead you through that plan.

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” - Isaiah 55:8

Thoughts on Grieving

2009-08-28T18:41:00.002-05:00

Sorry this first one is not all that cheerful. But I found this one in my "In Progress" folder and it was actually already complete! :)

Thoughts on grieving…

When we grieve, we grieve not only for the one we lost. We grieve for every single possibility that may have awaited us in our future. All the questions of “what if” and “if only”, which begin to creep into our heads the very second that person is taken from us.

“What if he hadn’t been at the wrong place at the wrong time?”
“What if he had somehow lived through it?”
“What if I had said more often how I felt?”
“What if he had made it back home safely?”
“What if we were meant for each other?”

We can’t run from the questions. Well, we can run from them, but not forever, and not with good results. Not only must we turn around and face these nagging, unanswerable questions... We must take each one in turn, walk with it down the road of the mind’s eye, accompany it to the dead-end that awaits, and watch helplessly as it dies a slow, agonizing death. Then we must trek back to the starting point, only to pick up another unanswerable question and begin the same journey once more.

To me, there is a very fine line between working through grief and torturing yourself. Honestly, the process is the same, the questions are the same. But the factors which determine which result you’ll get (healing or torment) are your attitude, your faith, and your determination not to become completely overcome by the grief.

It’s important to understand that it’s okay to have a bad day. Grieving is not supposed to be some neat, orderly process, where each day is always better than the ones before. Some days you just can’t face the grief, and that’s okay. Don’t push yourself to. Heaven knows it will still be there waiting for you when you’re ready to pick it back up again and face it. But don’t hide out too long, either. The anger and grief will fester and eat at you until the day comes when you must either release the grief or let it destroy you.

I think one thing that makes grieving so hard is being overly concerned with whether or not you’re doing it right, or fast enough, or slowly enough. I know for me, I was terrified of not going through the grieving process correctly and at an acceptable pace, for fear that I would have to retrace my steps, or end up emotionally scarred for a lifetime. So after reading up a bit on the topic of grieving, I picked up several tips. Some were from educated professionals who study the mind, and some from caring souls who have walked the road already and want to help out those who come behind them. So, here is my advice… my one all-encompassing tip on grieving.

Gather together every piece of advice on grieving and loss, whether you consider it to be good or bad. Print it out and put it all together in a notebook. Got it? Now throw that notebook as far away from you as possible. Or set the thing on fire. Feel better? Didn’t think so. Feel alone and vulnerable and petrified and directionless? Good. You have to work through your grief in your own way, and in your own time. You cannot borrow someone else’s notes and cheat on this test. Doesn’t work that way. Suppose someone tells you to go through five stages, in this specific order, and allow 3-5 weeks for each. But you really needed only 3 stages, and you needed 6 months in each. You may very well end up at least temporarily, if not irreversibly, screwed up. That grieving plan, though it may have worked for someone else, is not your own individual plan, and it will not work for you.

All notebook-burning joking aside… Here is what I would suggest, and what I will hopefully do the first time around whenever I have cause to grieve again. Pray. Ask God to make you sensitive to what you need, when you need it. Trust. You have to know that you can depend on God completely during this entire process. Give yourself freedom. When you feel like crying, cry. When you feel like looking through old letters and pictures, do it. When you feel like writing, write. When you feel like dying, fight. When you don’t think you can think about it for one more second, don’t. Think about something else. Or someone else. One of the best ways to get your mind off yourself and your problems is to reach out and do something for someone else.

Just know that God will get you through it. Lean on Him and trust Him with all your heart.

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my
cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of
the LORD forever.

I'm back...

2009-08-28T18:33:00.002-05:00

Well, I know it's been about 9 months since I've written anything for this blog. I was able to get some posts cranked out at the last minute before leaving for Basic Training, and get those auto-published while I was in BMT, but I haven't done anything since then. I'm back now, though, so please feel free to breathe that sigh of relief and return, finally, to getting a full night's rest.

I have an entire folder full of "in progress" blogs that are in various stages of development. So I'm going to try to finish some of those, and then return to creating new ones. Of course, they're all new to you, the reader, so I basically just wasted time and energy writing this entire paragraph.

Aren't you glad I'm back? :)

Rocket Coffee

2009-01-21T05:00:00.000-06:00

At the train stations in Italy, there are drink machines and vending machines beside virtually every track in every station. We tried lots of different things, but our favorite was a type of candy we fondly refer to as “Rocket Coffee.” It is chocolate candy filled with liquid coffee. You bite into it, and your mouth is filled with coffee. Strange at first, yes, but incredibly addicting and wonderful. Especially in the afternoon when you’ve been walking forever and you’re starting to drag. It’s really called Pocket Coffee but we apparently didn’t look very closely at it, and now the name has stuck.

Grappa

2009-01-14T05:00:00.000-06:00

Mom and I had plans to have a picnic in one of the parks. We went into a grocery store and found some fruit, cheese, and bread. We wanted to get some grapes, so Mom oh-so-confidently marches up to one of the store workers and asks where she might find “grappa”. We were slightly confused as he headed away from the produce, and then stopped in front of the wine section, pointing, and repeating “grappa.” I’m sure he was disappointed and probably somewhat frustrated when we didn’t purchase any wine… I don’t think we ever found any grapes. :)

Paged in Rome

2009-01-07T05:00:00.000-06:00

My Mom and I are planners. We are list people. We have lists for our lists. We have an item on our to-do list that says “Make a list of to-do lists to make.” Haha. We do not like to be late, and we like to be prepared. Oh, and neither of us necessarily likes to be the center of attention. I point these things out to you so you will keep them in the back of your mind as you read this next story.

Our flight home from Italy had one stop. We flew from Florence to Rome, and then from Rome to Atlanta. Our layover in Rome was about 3 or 4 hours, if I remember correctly. We had missed seeing St. Peter’s during our visit to Rome earlier in our trip, so we actually toyed with the idea of zipping over there and seeing it before our flight left. Being the sensible gals that we are, we decided against it, thinking it more prudent to just hang around the vicinity of the airport until our next flight. We had a blast wandering all over the airport, people-watching, shopping, and just walking around. We got our last serving of gelato, and ate it while sitting next to a window that was right beside the runway. Mom and I are both fascinated with planes, so we sat there forever watching planes take off and land.

Finally, we decided we should go ahead and start making our way to our gate. On the way there I stopped at the ladies’ restroom. It was quite crowded, so I was standing in line… All of a sudden mom dashes into the bathroom, eyes wide, and says, “They are paging us to our gate!!!” Forgetting any necessity of bodily functions, I immediately followed her out, and we proceeded to practically run to our gate. We finally got there and the two people working there verified who we were, and then practically shoved us through the terminal. We boarded the plane where dozens of passengers were patiently (ha) waiting.

This story is just a testament of the irony that exists in both of our lives, especially mine. With a four hour layover, most people would have tried to squeeze in some last minute sight-seeing or shopping. Not us. Being the ever responsible travelers, we had decided to just park it and wait until it was time for our flight. And in doing so, we just about missed our flight. :)

My sleep aid contraption

2008-12-31T05:00:00.000-06:00

We had a few very long train rides while we were in Italy. Many times we were very tired, having walked all day, speed-touring the various bustling Italian cities. You know what it’s like when you fall asleep in a sitting position, like in a car or on a plane. Your eyelids start drooping, until it’s like pure torture to hold them open. Your head starts to feel like it’s about 60 pounds. Eventually you allow your eyes to close, and you are able to enjoy the first 2 or 3 minutes of your sleep in an upright and civilized (albeit totally unnatural) body position. But then your muscles relax, and your head falls forward slowly, until your chin is on your chest. Or until it slams into the window of whatever mode of transportation on which you happen to be riding.

Furious at the law of gravity for not allowing my head to stay in an upright position while sleeping, I hastily sought to fashion a contraption whose sole purpose would be to keep my head back while I slept on the train. I took a quick look around me and immediately my eyes landed on my oh-so-hip travel bag. This bag had a shoulder strap. I immediately saw the potential. I carefully placed the top part of the shoulder strap against my forehead, and held it there as I slung the bag over the back of my seat. Looking back, this plan does not seem quite as intelligent as I had thought. Innovative and efficient? Perhaps. Intelligent? Not so much. Painful? Quite. But hindsight is always 20/20, so do not judge. I was desperate for sleep. Anyway, needless to say, the contraption did not quite work as planned. The shoulder strap slipped from my forehead down to my neck just as the bag dropped over the back of the chair. Essentially I had attempted a hanging. I am going to post a picture on here. It does not do the situation justice, but you’ll get the general idea.

Duomo di Milano

2008-12-24T05:00:00.001-06:00

One of Mom’s favorite things in Italy was the churches. She loved to walk slowly around each one, soaking up each detail. The first one we went in on our trip (I couldn’t tell you which city it was in), I too took a slow stroll around the interior, taking in the details of the walls, sculptures, and stained glass. I enjoyed the dark, cool dampness of the air. It was a welcome change from the hot sun outside. I amused myself long enough for mom to finish looking around. Then we went back outside and continued our journey through whatever city we were in. In my mind, I had mentally checked “Visit church in Italy” off my to-do list. Haha. Little did I know that Italy has so MANY churches and cathedrals, and somehow I had forgotten just how much my mom likes to visit them.

We spent one day in Milan. Honestly, the main reason I wanted to stop here was just to be able to say I’d been. There really wasn’t anything I specifically was dying to see. I knew Milan to be a major fashion-minded city. Meaning they had lots of stores full of lots of clothes and accessories I could not afford without taking out a loan.

When we got to Milan, we took the underground train from the train station to a point in the city that we knew would be close to the “Duomo di Milano.” (Duomo means church/cathedral in Italian. See, I did learn some things in Italian after all.) We climbed the stairs that led from the train to the streets of Milan. Taking a cursory glance around, I immediately spotted the enormous cathedral. I said, “Oh, wow, it’s so pretty!” Then I continued looking around, and said “So, what’s next?” HA. Mom thought that was hilarious. I would soon learn that she not only wanted to see the inside of this cathedral, she wanted to inspect every last square inch, take note of every sculpture and piece of stained glass, and basically check the building for structural soundness. :)

The First Bus Ride

2008-12-17T05:00:00.000-06:00

Before we left for Italy, Mom and I would sit for hours and plan the details of our trip. We each picked out places we wanted to visit, things we wanted to do, and tried to think of things we would need to know before we landed ourselves in a foreign-speaking country. Mom purchased several travel books, which of course had some common and useful phrases translated into Italian. Being the dedicated, diligent traveler, she wanted to learn at least some of the basics in Italian to help in our day-to-day adventures. She asked me if I was going to learn any Italian before our trip, and I said “Nah.” She said, “Well what are you going to do when you need to say something to somebody? “ I said, “I won’t need to speak to anyone over there except you, and you speak English.” She said, “What about in a restaurant, when you’re trying to order food?” I said, “I’ll point” and I held up my finger and demonstrated with prideful satisfaction.

When we finally arrived in Florence, 13 hours after leaving Atlanta, Mom and I were both dead on our feet. You know that level of exhaustion where you cannot think clearly, let alone navigate in a foreign country where you don’t understand the native language. We made it out of the airport, and across the street to the bus stop. The plan was to ride the bus to the train station, and take a train to Pisa. Standing at the bus stop, backpacks strapped on, suitcases the size of Pisa itself sitting beside us, we waited. We had gone to an ATM inside the airport, to get some money out in Euros. The smallest currency we had was 50 Euros, or roughly $75. We panicked for a bit, trying to decide if we should go back in the airport and get change, wondering if the bus driver would take such a large amount, if he would even have change, and most importantly, how the heck we would ask him whether he would take that amount and if he had any change.

So, when the bus finally arrived, I left my poor mother standing on the sidewalk with our mountain of baggage, and joined the crowd of people who were filing onto the bus 4 at a time, and paying the driver 1 at a time. When it was my turn to hand my money to the driver, I held up two fingers to indicate that I wanted two tickets, and I shoved the 50 Euros into his hand. He didn’t bat an eye as he handed me my change and two tickets. Success! Except that my mother and everything I owned was still sitting outside the bus on the sidewalk. Looking back over the heads of fifteen people, I looked at her helplessly, wondering if I’d ever see her again. Haha. I must have really looked that forlorn, because some of the people in line behind me saw what was going on, and allowed mom to squeeze through, and even helped us get our luggage onto the bus. Now if I had attempted to get on that bus and say in Italian “Two tickets please” and “Do you have change for a 50?” I probably would have butchered the language, and landed us in some unknown, forsaken desert in Italy. You may be thinking, “There aren’t any deserts in Italy” but that’s what they want you to believe. It’s where they toss all of the idiotic tourists who hold up the line at the bus stop.

Tuna

2008-12-10T05:00:00.000-06:00

My mom and I went on a trip to Italy last May. It was so much fun, and Italy was absolutely amazing, with breath-taking scenery. I would go back in a second. Mom and I talk about our trip frequently - about the funny things that happened, the things we would like to go back and see or do, etc. Anyway, we just had so much fun, and we had a few pretty funny stories, so I thought I’d share some of them here.

Oh, and don’t worry, I am not secretly blogging during basic training. I discovered the secret of scheduling posts for future dates. Hahahahaha. I’m so clever it’s kind of scary. ANYWAY, the next several posts will be Italy-related. So grab a coke, sit back and enjoy. But do so with guilt, knowing that is probably NOT what I am doing right now… =)

Our “home base” while we were in Italy was the city of Pisa. On some days we made day trips and then returned to Pisa for the night. On other days we traveled further distances and would spend the night in another city. But, let me start from the beginning:
We departed from Atlanta on an evening flight. We were flying from Atlanta to Paris, and from Paris to Florence. We were served dinner first… I think it was pretty late, maybe around 9 or 10 pm? After dinner the flight attendants gently closed the shades on the windows, and pretty much everyone leaned back, sighed a collectively cramped sigh, and tried to sleep. Much the same way a sardine tries to catch some shut-eye when he’s in the sardine can with his buddies.

About 4 hours later (yes, 2 am), the flight attendants, who only hours before had seemed human, snatched up the window shades, allowing a brilliantly bright light to come flooding into the cabin. “Surely not,” I thought. But surely indeed… A few seconds later I heard “good morning everyone, breakfast is about to be served.” Come on people. It’s 2 am. You can try to trick me all you want with your sunshine and perky attitudes. But I have on a watch. I am not fooled. It is TWO FREAKIN O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. So while I’m still reeling from this unpleasant jolt of morning perkiness, they begin serving breakfast. I don’t remember everything that was in that breakfast, but I remember one thing that was on my plate – tuna.
So, after a trilingual greeting over the intercom: “Good Morning, Bonjour, Buon giorno,” I ate my breakfast. Tuna. At 2:00 in the morning. At least it wasn’t sardines.

Note: At least 3 of our subsequent in-flight meals included tuna. blech.

Leaving

2008-12-05T23:49:00.001-06:00

For the last five or six years I have been interested in joining the Air Force. Up until this year, I had talked myself into thinking that it was a crazy dream that I shouldn’t try to pursue… that I wouldn’t have what it takes, and that the desire would pass in time. But it did not go away, and after lots and lots and lots of praying, I’ve realized that it truly is part of God’s plan for my life. I also have always been interested in medicine, and have had an overwhelming desire to help others. Which is what led me to the desire to pursue nursing. I just wasn’t sure how to go about getting through nursing school while holding down a full time job.

Now I am being given the chance to go for both dreams – the Air Force and nursing. I am so grateful and thankful, and I should be so full of faith. And I am, about 95% of the time. The remaining 5% of the time I spend wondering if I have what it takes. Not physically or even mentally… I know I can handle what’s coming once I get to Texas. It’s what has to happen before that. I don’t know how in the world I am ever going to say goodbye to my family and my friends. I have known no other life than the one I have here. I have gone to the same church my whole life, lived in the same city (or at least within a 20 mile radius of it) my entire life. Some of my friends have been with me from the beginning. We were in the nursery together, played on the playground together as kids, struggled through the awkward teenage years, and learned how to be adults together.

The concept of leaving is not a new one to me. What is new to me is being on this end of the goodbye. I have always been the one being left. Since I was a kid, I have grown attached to friends, only to have them move away and force me to say goodbye, and eventually (in most cases), lose touch. I have had people comment to me, “Gosh, everybody you get attached to really does pack up and move away, don’t they?” ha. So I am certainly no stranger to getting attached and having to let go. Again, what’s brand new to me is the whole experience of being the one leaving.

So please pray for me over the next few days, weeks, and months. I really am so grateful for this opportunity, and I am so thankful that God didn’t take this chance from me in spite of the fact that I took my sweet time to finally make the decision. But despite how obvious God’s calling on my life has become, it is still not easy to say goodbye.

The Beauty of Giving

2008-11-15T22:26:00.000-06:00

God reassures one –
“See if I will not open the floodgates of heaven and pour out blessings.”

He instructs another –
“Do not become weary in doing good… As you have opportunity, do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

Both step out in faith and obey.

One asks.

The other gives.

Blessings flow and hearts overflow.

The beautiful harmony of this give and take touches the life of the giver as much, if not more than, the receiver.

There is nothing more encouraging and comforting than seeing firsthand how God provides for His children. It prompts further acts of faith, pulling more and more people into its cycle of give and take.

That is how life should be for Christians. When the constant ebb and flow of blessings pour from and into our lives, and the lives of those around us, life is beautiful.

The Golden Rule

2008-09-20T14:58:00.000-05:00

“The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” – Galations 5:14

“I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” – Matthew 25:40

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 7:12

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you , so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” - John 13:34-35

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” – Romans 12:10

“Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”
– Romans 15:2

In high school one of my teachers taught me something that has always stuck with me. She taught me that in all of our interactions with other people, we should keep the following thought at the forefront of our minds: “I have no idea what this person might be going through right now, so I will treat them with the utmost kindness.” A relatively simple approach to life, but so vital if we want to be ministers to others, and be a light in this dark world. When someone cuts in front of you in line at the grocery store, or some “jerk” in the car in front of you seems to have forgotten what the skinny pedal on the right is for…. Keep in mind that for all you know he may have a very good reason to be distracted. He may have just gotten some bad news, or lost his job, or lost a loved one.

*See through God’s eyes*
Ask God to help you see people through His eyes, not your own. It is truly an eye-opening experience because you will begin to see past the rough exterior, past the aggravating habits, and into the heart of someone who was made in the image of Christ. A person who is immensely vulnerable to Satan’s attacks unless he has someone willing to look at him the way his creator does. I have asked God to allow me to see people as He sees them, and at times it brings such sadness that I have to look away.

Next time you’re standing in line at Wal-Mart, or you’re waiting 16 hours to mail something at the post office, take a look at someone standing near you. Can you see it? If you picked someone well-dressed and successful-looking, then look past the designer clothes and picture-perfect hair. If you picked someone who looks a little less fortunate, look past the stained, torn clothing and unkempt appearance. Whoever you picked, look past those superficial, exterior things. Look into their eyes. Don’t you see it? There’s a hurt. And there’s a hunger. A hurt that could have come from any number of things. They may have been hurt emotionally, physically, or financially. Doesn’t really matter. And the hunger could be for food, attention, love, or appreciation. But it’s there. And you’ll see it if you decide not to brush past it in your rush to get out the door, into your car, and back home.

What can you do? Can you strike up a conversation with every person you see, determine what their need is, and then help meet that need? No, maybe not, but you can give them the one thing that every human being on this earth hungers and hurts for – kindness. Just by offering a smile and a kind word to that person, you may give them happiness for a moment, or you may brighten up their entire day, or you may fan a flame that God has started through the obedience of a faithful Christian. Why would an unsaved person ever ask himself “should I look into this Christianity thing?” if he cannot see a difference between the Christians and the non-Christians? For all you know, you could be the only occasion this person has ever had (or ever will have) to see Christ’s love.

*Be nice to everyone – even the mean people. Even when you don’t feel like it.*
Anybody can be nice to someone who is nice to them. If someone sees me showing kindness to a good friend, is that really a demonstration of God’s love to the fullest measure? Sure, we should be kind to our friends (don’t go punch your best friend the next time you see him or her). But what kind of witness is it to a non-believer when they see me always being kind to someone who is not kind to me in return?

We cannot base our actions towards others on our feelings. If you decide to wait until you feel loving and kind before you treat others with love and kindness, you will probably never act. Feelings are so fickle, and we cannot wait until we’re feeling a certain way before we do something God has commanded us to do. He didn’t say “When you feel like it, be devoted to one another”, or “When you’re in a good mood, build each other up”, or “IF your neighbor treats you well, then love that neighbor as yourself.”

Sleep... it's not for the undetermined

2008-08-19T18:29:00.008-05:00

I recently started working a different (very early morning) shift at work. This past Sunday evening I was especially tired, so I decided to call it a day around 7:00 pm. I did my best to block out every trace of sunlight in my room, turned on my sound machine, attempted to read for a little while (about five minutes), then I was out. For approximately 15 minutes. I was jarred back into consciousness by the thunderous explosion of bass notes blasting through my bedroom wall from my neighbor’s apartment…

I immediately recognized the song (“Save the Last Dance For Me”), which is a song I actually like. But never before have I noticed that it has a very pronounced bass part – very cool I’m sure, to someone who is fully awake and alert, but quite maddening to someone who has just been jolted awake by it. This song was followed by several others, and it was during the second song that I realized my poor neighbor must have a hearing problem, because he KEPT TURNING THE VOLUME UP. Seriously, it was as if I had crawled onto the stage of a rock concert, laid my pillow on the bass player’s amp, and decided to try to catch some ZZZs.

Allow me to pause here and briefly describe the inverse correlation between my level of fatigue and my level of patience. I go through stages of irritability when suffering from sleep deprivation. With the first stage (mild drowsiness) I am able to remain fairly pleasant, with only occasional displays of annoyance. Think of a child, perhaps 8 years old, for this one.

The next level (moderate sleepiness) brings out some more, um… colorful…. aspects of my personality. I begin to zone out for longer periods of time, it becomes difficult to maintain focus on anything non-shiny for more than 5 seconds, my irritability seems to be triggered not necessarily more frequently, but more unpredictably. And my attempts at coherent conversation become strained, at best. Here, imagine a 3-year old child who missed a nap or two.

Extreme exhaustion is the final stage, and with it comes such symptoms as a blank stare, a complete inability to focus on anything (shiny or otherwise), and you can just forget about exchanging any type of intelligent dialogue with me. Also, there may be occasional temper tantrums, but only if something goes drastically wrong. And by “something going drastically wrong,” I am basically referring to any and all occasions in which I am forced to do something I don’t feel like doing (obeying traffic laws, standing in line anywhere, or behaving like a civil human being). I cannot provide a phase of life with which to compare this stage. This one may very well be unique to me. But maybe think along the lines of Jekyll and Hyde.

Anyway, I digress (lack of ability to focus… refer back to stage 2 if you have already forgotten).

Now, by nature, I am not a confrontational person. And I really don’t get angry often. Even if I do get angry I’m not going to be “in-your-face” about it. So when the bass notes began thumping through the wall directly into my head, my initial reaction was to calmly adjust the volume on my sound machine ever so slightly. As I should have expected, this did not solve anything other than removing my ability to recognize the songs being played…. thus leaving me to guess what the song was, based on the snatches of music I was able to discern above the now steady “rain” falling 2 feet from my head. So for the next few minutes all of my quickly draining energy was being focused on NOT guessing what song was playing.

Realizing this was going to last for a while, I jumped out of bed, angrily turned the sound machine volume up to the highest volume (labeled “deafening” on the side of the machine), flung myself back into the bed with a huff, and buried my head between my pillows. So my plan to quickly fall asleep to the gentle sound of raindrops pattering to the ground were definitely shot. Instead, I FINALLY drifted off despite experiencing what I imagine I would feel like if I were being smothered to death in the middle of a rock concert underneath Niagara Falls.

An Everlasting Day

2008-08-10T13:23:00.000-05:00

It has been a year now since the last time I saw you, and we said our final goodbye. That day seems like only yesterday but at the same time it seems like years ago. What would I have done differently if I’d known it would be our last day together? I would have studied your face a little more carefully, attempting to etch it permanently into my memory. I would have stayed in your arms a little longer when we hugged goodbye. The hesitation and the questions in our last look at each other would have been exponentially greater.

Actually, in reality, if I’d known it was the last time, I never would have stopped watching you, and I never would have let go. I would have kept you close, where you would have been safe from such a cruel world. And in doing so I would have stayed safe from the pain and heartache of a life without you.

I would like to take myself back to that day and declare it a day that had never ended, and never would. It would mean anything that happened since that day never really happened. I would imagine that I made a wish for an everlasting day, and that the wish had been granted only for you and me. How I would treasure that day with you. A day where I would have all the time in the world to just sit with you and memorize every curve of your unchanging face. An endless day to remain in that final hug that would not loosen, safe in your arms that would never weaken or grow cold. I would keep my head rested against your chest, which would never stop rising and falling. We would stay frozen in an eternal embrace that could not be crushed – not by time, and not by bombs. One that I would never, ever want to leave. And that I would never again take for granted.

Give and Take

2008-08-06T15:23:00.008-05:00

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:10-11

"So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." Romans 12:5-8

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galations 6:10

It amazes me how God has created each of us so differently, and placed us together so perfectly that we are able to help Him take care of each other. The give and take, especially among Christians, is a beautiful thing to me. I have always enjoyed learning about Spiritual gifts, and about the “five love languages.” Both of these have been on my heart a lot lately.

My spiritual gifts are giving and serving. My primary love languages for showing love to others are gift-giving and acts of service. l am happiest when I am doing something for others, or giving something to someone. I love to shop for gifts for people, and I have been told I have a talent for finding just the right thing. Even more than gifts, I love doing things for people just to help make their lives a little easier. It is so humbling to know that God would allow me to be instrumental in making someone’s day just a little brighter and easier.

My primary love languages for receiving love from others are quality time and acts of service. I feel the most loved when someone is willing to just stop what they’re doing long enough to sit and listen to me for a little while. Or when someone goes out of their way to help me with something.

So God, being the creative, caring God that he is, places people in my life who receive love in the same way that I show it, and who show love in the same way I receive it. A bit of a tongue-twister, I know, but how amazingly brilliant is He to have all of that worked out?? It makes Christian fellowship and friendship so much more enjoyable and so much easier to experience. Yet we are still responsible for part of it. We must remain vigilant and constantly watch for opportunities to be a blessing to someone. More than that, we have to have the discipline and obedience to actually ACT on that still, small voice that prompts us to do something for someone.

One thing I have learned is that it is so important not only to act, but to act NOW, at that moment. When you are being led by the Spirit to do something for someone, give something to someone, or be something for someone, do it right then. By doing so at that exact moment, you are helping someone who needs it at that exact moment. Sometimes God asks us to do things that seem strange. Or to give things that seem like weird gifts. It may seem weird to you, but it is probably because someone in your life has a very specific need for it. Sometimes He asks us to do something small, and sometimes something life-altering. Doesn’t matter the size or the normalcy of the act, you have to do it to keep the cycle going.

I just can’t get over how clever it is of God to work all this out. The way we give and receive may seem trivial, but I think if you’ll take a minute to really think about it, and to think about the people in your life, you’ll see the same thing that I’ve noticed in mine. How frustrating would it be if I were surrounded by people who do not accept love through gift-giving or acts of service? How frustrated would I be if I had no one in my life who gives love by providing quality time? And how boring would it be if we all showed love the same way, and received it the same way?

God knows what we need. Not only that, he knows that we need the human interaction with other Christians, and he has come up with this incredible plan to allow us to be his instrument for ministering to each other. So I encourage you to find out what your Spiritual gifts are, if you don't already know. Discover what your love languages are. And then throw yourself whole-heartedly into serving God and His children with those gifts. You will not regret it.

God of Abraham

2008-07-15T06:23:00.002-05:00

I am reading a book right now (it’s actually one in a series of books) that is centered on the life of Hezekiah, and I am learning a lot from it. A major theme in it is how faithful and powerful God is. God is frequently referred to in these books as “Hezekiah’s God” or “God of Abraham”. The most absurd thought sneaked into my mind as I was reading. I was thinking, “Why can’t these people just have faith and trust God, and quit trying to solve problems by themselves? If I had such a powerful God on my side, I would….” Of course as soon as that thought crossed my pea-sized brain, I realized… duh… I do. My God – my ever present help in trouble – is the same God who led the Israelites out of Egypt. He is the same God that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob prayed to. My God and Hezekiah’s God are one in the same. He is no less powerful now than He was then. So why does He seem that way? I think one reason is that we have tried to put God in a box. People today (Christians and non-Christians alike) seem to think it is necessary to assign definitions and limitations to every little thing in this world, whether material or immaterial. But God cannot be packaged or defined. Nor can any limitations be placed on Him. He is indescribable and all powerful. There is no way to fit Him into some neat, tidy little container, only to pull Him out during our time of need.

The next thing I’ve learned is how important it is to be whole-heartedly devoted to God. You’re either in or you’re out. Either you’re committed to serving God with all your heart, soul, and mind, or you’re not. There is no in between. It is not an option to tell God “You can have control of these aspects of my life, but not this one piece. That piece I will keep.” Doesn’t work like that. You cannot maintain an attitude of self-reliance along with one of total dependence on God. God gets total, absolute, limitless control of your life, or it just won’t work. If you don’t make it a priority to become wholly dependent on God in all areas of your life, God may just help you out. Sometimes all it takes is a huge, life-shattering crisis to bring us to our knees, and back to God. Might be less painful just to go ahead and get there before He has to bring the big guns out. Just a thought…

The other thing I’ve learned is that you can’t make your own plans, and then expect God to bless those plans just because you ask Him to. At one point, Hezekiah was faced with the threat of an Assyrian attack. His advisors were instructing him to either offer a tribute to the Assyrians (essentially becoming their slaves), or to form alliances with neighboring nations. He sent for someone to find Isaiah the prophet, so that Isaiah could provide him with God’s answer. But he quickly learned that wasn’t the right way to do things. He had basically formed two plans, and was asking God to pick one of the options, and bless it, and make it work out the way he wanted. God rarely works like that. When Hezekiah offered God choice A and choice B, God chose choice C: none of the above. God wanted Hezekiah to do nothing. Squat. He wanted him to sit and wait and be patient. He wanted him to trust. Not in his political advisors or in any allies. He didn’t want him to put his trust into his own armies, or even make any efforts to fortify the city walls. He wanted him to be still and know that He is God.

Sometimes God asks us to get moving, to take big steps, and be willing to risk much. But sometimes all He asks us to do is to be still (and pray),and do nothing else. Sometimes He needs us to stay out of the way, so that He can do His thing. Doing nothing can sometimes be harder than doing something. At least when you’re doing something you can see the results of your actions. You feel you are being obedient to God by doing. So how do you know when God is telling you to DO and when He’s telling you to WAIT? That’s where it becomes so vitally important to be as close to Him as you can possibly be.

You know what it’s like when you’ve been spent a lot of time around a close friend. You become so familiar with their mannerisms, gestures, thought patterns, and common phrases, that you pretty much know what they’re going to say before they say it. You can finish their sentences. You even pick up some of their mannerisms and incorporate their way of thinking and speaking into your own. That’s how we should be with God. We should be so close to Him that we know when a thought or an idea is from Him. We should be so close to Him that we pick up his way of thinking, and His characteristics rub off on us. And so close that we are able to hear that still, small voice that many of us have lost touch with.

Good Idea, Bad Idea

2008-06-24T21:14:00.003-05:00

For those of you unfortunate enough to not recognize the title of this blog, “Good Idea, Bad Idea” is from the television cartoon show “Animaniacs.” During each cartoon, there would be a section called “Good Idea, Bad Idea” in which an animated figure illustrates a “good” idea – something harmless and socially acceptable. The figure then immediately illustrates a “bad” idea – something completely illogical or dangerously stupid. I was reminded of these delightfully cultivating cartoon snippets as I was contemplating the subject of this next blog.

How do you know if an opportunity is from Satan or God? Or anything, for that matter – a thought, a lifestyle, a decision, etc. How do you know the difference between a GOOD idea and a BAD idea? This may seem like a no-brainer, but in some cases it really isn’t. Trust me.

Sure, it wouldn’t be that difficult, if God only offered us obvious “GOOD idea” type of opportunities (e.g., “Go on this mission trip and let me be a blessing to others through you”), and Satan only offered up opportunities that are very obviously BAD ideas (e.g., “ Go stick your finger in that electrical outlet for a beautiful, do it yourself, at-home perm!”).
Most of us know, however, that this is not how life works. Sometimes we are faced with decisions, or we are given opportunities, that are a little more ambiguous. Sometimes it’s a bit more tricky to decide if something is a good or bad idea. When you find that opportunity is knocking at your door, how do you know if it’s the gentle tapping of the Holy Spirit, or the persistent, misleading knock of Satan with his bag of tricks? That’s my million dollar question for the day, and now here’s my final answer.

First, I think you have to take a step back and consider a few things:

Peace. Do you feel peace about the situation? I use the word “feel” here carefully, because we cannot trust our feelings. But we can trust the peace that passes all understanding. The peace that comes from the Holy Spirit when we are headed in the right direction. We are told to “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15). God has given us peace and the Holy Spirit to be the umpire in our lives, telling us what should be in (“safe”) and what should be out (well… “out”).

God’s character. Before you make the decision you’re thinking of making, or the opportunity you’re thinking of taking, ask yourself if it is in line with God’s character, and with his word. Some of his character traits include faithfulness, honesty, loyalty, truthfulness, patience, and selflessness. If you look closely enough, you can see what fits in with God’s character, and what doesn’t. If you sense a calling to become a highly motivated and successful thief, you can be pretty certain it’s not a calling from God, because stealing from others is not in line with God’s honest, selfless character. That’s an obvious one, I know. You should not only look at God’s character, but take a look at your own as well. Consider yourself and how God made you – your interests, talents, abilities. More often than not God leads us into things that fit in with how we were made and what we’re good at.

God’s voice. This one takes some practice. Get to know God’s voice so well that you immediately distinguish it from any other. As sheep, we ought to recognize our Shepherd’s voice. We should develop such a sensitive ear to it that, even when we’re cruising along the path we think we’re supposed to be on, we are able to slam on the brakes and make a U-turn if that’s what we’re told to do. There is nothing wrong with coming up with a plan, but be ready to ditch that plan if God tells you to. Proverbs 16:9 says “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

Finally, you just have to take a step. Sometimes the only way to know if something is the right choice is to just start moving. Take a step in that direction, and see what happens. A door may be slammed in your face. You may lose your peace. Or you may find that your peace increases exponentially, and doors open for you in ways you never thought possible. You can’t drive a parked car. Think about how hard it is to steer the wheel of a car that’s sitting still, compared to when it’s moving. Get up and get going. Give it a shot and find out . There’s no point sitting around wondering about something when you could just give it a try and know for yourself. And I’m mostly talking to myself with this one…

Memorial Day

2008-05-25T23:00:00.006-05:00

To Adam, and to all other men and women who have so selflessly sacrificed all that they had:

Thank you. We will never forget.

"Safeguarding the rights of others is the most noble and beautiful end of a human being."

– Kahlil Gibran

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

– John Stuart Mill

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

- John 15:13

"All gave some and some gave all
And some stood through for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall
And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all"

http://amor_diosa.webs.bikers-engine.com/veterans.html

Tributes to U.S. soldiers on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGX42NQTFDs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdS5E5ijxaI

http://g.dwgsee.com/wake/index.htm

What will I be when I "grow up"?

2008-05-13T20:22:00.003-05:00

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if I had less. Fewer of certain things that are not inherently bad, but can get in the way of life nonetheless. I’m not talking about the obviously bad things in life such as grief, doubt, fear, health problems, traffic, or bad coffee. I believe most, if not all, people would want less of those things.

Rather, things such as talent, potential, ability, insightfulness, efficiency, productivity, well-roundedness. At what point does the possession of these qualities become more of a burden than a privilege? At what measure does the scale tip from advantage to responsibility and inconvenience?

At times I wish there were only one or two things that I had a talent for, or an interest in. Then at least I’d know what I’m good at, and that would give me some type of direction in life, when it comes to career choices. I try very hard not to compare myself to anyone, because I know that is a nasty trap to fall into. But sometimes I cannot help but envy those people who, with unwavering assurance, know exactly what they were made to do in life, and are able to pursue it whole-heartedly. Many know from childhood what they want to be – doctor, firefighter, lawyer, teacher, architect, mother, nurse, businessman. They have a talent and a passion for that line of work, and they strive virtually unhindered toward their goal. I don’t envy their passion or their determination – I have plenty of both. What I envy is the fact that they are able to narrow their interests and passions down to one thing (or even two or three), and create some sort of tunnel vision that keeps their focus on that goal.

I can’t imagine what life is like for people who are on one end of the spectrum. Those who have no passions, dreams, or goals to strive for. But I know that the same feelings of frustration, loneliness, and discontentment can result from having too many passions and goals. Too many interests and too much potential. Too many options. Knowing that you could create an entire list of career paths that you could pursue, randomly pick any one of those, and do just as well in it as you would in any of the others on the list. That is torture to me. I want to know that I’d be a much better nurse than a teacher. A better doctor than a lawyer. I want to know the one thing that I would be best at, and happiest doing. The field that would be lacking if I did not end up in it. Is there something that, if I didn’t invest my time and energy going after it, would result in someone’s life not being touched?

Maybe that’s a selfish way of thinking. But how haunting would it be to spend 30 years on one career path, and constantly wonder if I should have traveled a different path? I suppose that’s when we have to kick our faith into high gear and trust that God will put us on the path He wants us to be on. As long as we keep our focus on Him and trust Him to take control of every part of our lives, He will take care of the details. But sometimes trusting and focusing are very difficult things to do.

Third Base Coach

2008-05-05T05:48:00.001-05:00

“Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.”
– Colossians 3:2

I have played softball for several years, and one thing all of my coaches have stressed to us is that we MUST keep our eyes on them when running the bases, especially when running to third. When running towards third base, you had better be watching the coach. She was never hard to pick out. She was the one right beside the base, jumping up and down, waving her arms and screaming like a lunatic. All of her enthusiastic waving and yelling had a purpose, which was to tell you one of two things. If she was franticly pointing at third base with both hands, it meant “get here ASAP and STAY HERE.” If she was waving you towards her with one hand, and using the other to point towards home plate, it meant “get here ASAP, turn the corner, and KEEP GOING.” If she waved one of us home, and we were tagged out at home plate, she never got mad.

But the quickest way to make her angry (and find yourself on the bench) was to look back over your shoulder to see who had the ball, and find out how close the play would be. She didn’t want us looking around the field, making base-running decisions for ourselves. She knew each of our running abilities, and she was going to be responsible for making the judgment call on whether or not we could make it. Our job was to run with all the energy we could muster, and do whatever her ridiculous hand motions told us to do. When running from second to third, your focus was on her, and nothing else. That’s the way we should be in life. We should live our lives as if we’re running towards third base, and never take our eyes off the coach. Because even the quickest glance over the shoulder to survey our surroundings can cause us to trip and make a mess of things, and miss what He had planned for us.

Who is your third base coach? Who do you focus on when you need guidance and advice? When you need to know whether to keep going or stay put? Is it a parent? A spouse? A close friend? Understand that no one other than Jesus could or should ever fill this role. Let your family and friends cheer you on from the bleachers. You need to focus on your Coach. He knows what is best for you and will give you clear instruction about what you need to do, as long as you keep your focus on Him.

Life's Deep End

2008-05-04T18:44:00.002-05:00

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” - Hebrews 13:6b

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” – Isaiah 43:2a

Below is a story from a book by Joyce Meyer:

"A little three year old girl felt secure in her father's arms as Dad stood in the middle of a swimming pool. But Dad, for fun, began walking slowly toward the deep end, gently chanting "Deeper and deeper and deeper" as the water rose higher and higher on the child. The girl's face registered increasing degrees of panic, as she held all the more tightly to her father, who, of course, easily touched the bottom. Had the little girl been able to analyze her situation, she'd have realized there was no reason for her increasing fear. The water's depth in ANY part of the pool was over her head. For her, safety anywhere in that pool depended on Dad. At various points in our lives, all of us feel we’re getting “out of our depth” or “in over our heads.” When bad things happen, our temptation is to panic, because we feel we’ve lost control. But the truth is we’ve never been in control when it comes to life’s most crucial elements. We’ve always been held up by the grace of God, our Father, and that won’t change. God is never out of His depth, and therefore we’re as safe when we’re in life’s “deep end” as we were in the kiddy pool."

I frequently hear (and read) people saying how important it is to be obedient to God in the little things in life. I have learned that God often reveals his plan little by little, step by step, as we obey him. Once He tells us to take step one, He is not going to tell us what step two is until we’ve obeyed him and taken the first step. I have always found this principle to be true, and I can appreciate its purpose. If we knew from the start what God had in store for us – all the steps we’d have to take - we’d probably be far too intimidated to even begin. When I think of this principle, I usually think in terms of small steps. However, while many times he does lead us one small step at a time, sometimes He requires a big step.

It takes so much faith to take big steps. If you fail when trying to take a small step, hardly anyone notices. You just jump back up and continue on your way. But if you fail while attempting a big step, it seems the world stops and everyone looks your way to see what just happened. Not only do people notice, but it’s much more difficult to get back up and back on track. I don’t think God will tell us to take big steps until we have proven that we can obey Him in the small ones. So I suppose we could consider it a privilege to be facing a big step – it means we have grown, and have demonstrated our ability to obey Him in the small things, so He is trusting us with more.

“Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.”

I recently came upon this quote by David Lloyd George. When God does call you to take a big step, you have to be willing to take the risk and make a huge leap, trusting God to help you land on your feet and in His arms. When I was a child I used to love to play in the mud puddles in our driveway when it rained. There was one that was larger than the others, especially after lots of rain. That was the best one. One of the things I liked to do was attempt to leap over this mud puddle. The thing about jumping over something is you have to totally commit if you want to have any hope of clearing the obstacle (puddle of muddy water, in this case). If you stand right beside the puddle’s edge, all the while doubting your ability, and then half-heartedly hop towards the other side, there is no way you’re going to make it. You’re going to land right in the middle of that mud puddle. If you want to be able to make it across, you have to get a good running start, and put everything you have into hurdling across it. Even if you don’t believe you can do it, you better find a way to bury those doubts, ignore your fears, and give it your all. Now I realize that taking big steps in life is not the same as jumping over mud puddles, but I liked the analogy.

Know that God is with you during each step He asks you to take, whether it’s a tiny baby step, or a gigantic leap of faith. And remember that there is no “deep end” and no reason to be afraid because we are being carried in our Father’s arms.

Likes and Dislikes

2008-04-27T13:44:00.007-05:00

Decided to make a list of things I like and dislike...

Things I like:

Helping people.
Finding out something I’m buying is on sale!
Getting coffee with friends.
The ocean.
Playing dodgeball with my cousins in 30 degree weather at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Crazy family tradition. Hehehe.
Caffeine.
Shooting pistols.
Waking up on Saturday morning to a thunderstorm.
Smiling.
Watching baseball.
Reading.
Building things.
Pizza.
Giving something to someone who needs it.
Dogs.
Music.
The BEACH!!!!
Playing softball.
Kids.
The feeling after a good workout.
Cereal. Cereal is awesome.
Jet skiing.
Spending the entire day at the beach, then getting cleaned up to go out to dinner, and show off your tan. That’s one of the best things in the world. :)
Eye contact.
Grilling out.
Mornings.
The song "Barracuda".
Watching or playing basketball.
eBay!
Flip flops.
Writing.
Lemonade in the summer. Hot cocoa in the winter.
Walking on trails in the woods.
Baking.
Rollercoasters.
Figuring out solutions to problems.
Laughing.
Sleeping.

Things I dislike:

How the last part of a popsicle tastes like the wooden stick.
Ignorance.
The wind tunnel above the entrance of every Wal-Mart and Sam’s that blows air straight onto your head. What purpose does that serve?
Being cold.
Waking up five minutes before my alarm goes off.
Having my time wasted.
Being hit on – and it always happens when I am looking really rough… Guys are weird…
Coconut.
Running. Although I'm getting used to it now.
Not being listened to.
Being unprepared.
Selfishness.
Being late.
Disrespectfulness.
Rides that spin around and around. Makes me sick.
Laziness.
Static.
Goodbyes.
Being interrupted.
Immaturity.
Talking on the phone.
Pulling all-nighters to study for a test.
Rude people.
Shopping for pants – they’re all too short!!!
Chaos.
Pollen, dust, mold, and cats. Allergic to all of them.
Being stared at.

The Elevator

2008-04-15T20:18:00.002-05:00

Today I was sitting at my desk at work, and was struck with one of my frequent cravings – I needed some chocolate covered pretzels and, more importantly, some caffeine. So I ventured down to the company store on the ground floor, where I purchased these tasty treats. Already with a little extra pep in my step at the mere thought of getting some caffeine into my system, I struck up a conversation with a woman walking in front of me. She was not really walking, actually, but hobbling on crutches, with a cast on her foot. We were discussing the fact that we both had broken only one bone in our lives –the left ankle. As we approached the elevator, we were discussing the causes of the aforementioned broken bone (mine was a street hockey injury). We were joined by a third woman, we all entered the elevator, and each of us pressed the buttons for our respective floors. By this point we were discussing (don’t ever do this) how we tend to have a propensity for attracting accidents and misfortune.

No sooner had the elevator doors closed and the elevator started rising towards the first floor, when it suddenly came to a halt with a quite disconcerting grinding sound. So here we were, caught between the ground floor and the first. Two things immediately popped into my head. First, I managed to grab the pager off of my desk before I dashed from my desk in a moment of chocolate-craving madness. But had I grabbed my cell phone? Nope. I was stuck in an elevator with a pager. Fat lot of good that would do me. I suppose someone could have started paging me once they realized I was missing. But, really, what are the odds that they’d wander around the entire building listening for the beeping? No one in my group cares about me that much. My second thought was, after accepting that I would not be able to page my way free, that it was very fortunate indeed that I had just purchased my pretzels and Dr. Pepper. With such nourishing sustenance clutched in my hands, this meant I would survive longer than the others. Now I’m not naïve, I knew a struggle would ensue once they realized I was the only one with food. But I had already begun sizing them up, and I knew I could have taken either one of them had they attempted to snatch my snack from my desperate, life-threatened clutch.

While I was pondering these thoughts, the other two were beginning to look slightly distressed, and had begun (again, don’t ever do this) pressing random buttons within the elevator. Had I not been so well-prepared for just such an emergency with my pretzels, soft drink, and pager, I may have joined them. I had a fleeting curiosity about what it would be like to plummet back down to the lower level of the building, enclosed within a steel box. But it was very fleeting. As they continued to frantically press all of the buttons AT THE SAME TIME, I had already drifted back off into my dream world, where I was reflecting upon the life I had lived so far, and wondering if I had just bought my last snack. Well, evidently I was meant to eat more chocolate covered pretzels after these, because finally we felt the elevator rise a little more, then stop, and the doors opened.

As we exited the death trap, we each breathed a sigh of relief and laughingly made a comment about being glad we made it off that thing alive. The crutch-aided woman was already on her floor, so she hobbled off to wherever she was going. I immediately headed for the stairs. I glanced behind me and the third woman had just pressed the “Up” button outside of the elevators. The doors opened to the elevator right next to the one we had just been stuck on, and SHE GOT RIGHT IN IT. As I slowly began my ascent up the stairs to my desk, munching on my cherished pretzels, I began pondering the theories of natural selection and survival of the fittest.
There just might be something to those after all…

Lime

2008-04-13T20:08:00.004-05:00

With spring in the air, I was inspired to plant some flowers a few weeks ago. Because I’m in an apartment, this means I planted them in pots and put some outside and some inside… I went to Lowe’s and picked out several different varieties, came home and decided exactly how I wanted to arrange them. Then I planted them, watered them, and placed each pot in its assigned spot. They are still beautiful, and are thriving. I’m only including this information so that everyone who reads the following does not think I’m completely incompetent when it comes to plants.

My grandmother has the greenest thumb of anyone I’ve ever known. All she has to do is look at a flower that is on its last leg, and it will miraculously spring to life. My mother, on the other hand, seems to have a black thumb, if there is such a thing. Horticulturally handicapped, if you will. Yes, I’m pretty sure I just made that word up since spell check is screaming at me to change it. But I’m not going to because I like it. Anyway, if there is a plant within twenty feet of my mom, it will keel over and die. One time when she was at my house, I spotted one of my plants starting to look very sick indeed, and I think I saw a tiny little white flag being raised. I had to hurry mom out of the house before it was too late. Haha, not really. I just want to make the point that flowers react very differently to my mom than they do to my grandmom. And since I have both of their blood running through my veins, I knew it’d be a toss-up as to which one I’d be like.

A few months ago, I had been up at my parent’s house and was getting ready to leave, when I noticed a sad little pot of ivy sulking in the corner near the front door. If plants could talk, this one would have screamed, “For the love of Gardenia, take me with you!!” So I did. I asked mom if I could take it and try to revive it. She said sure, since she was only going to throw it away anyway. I was determined to bring this thing back to a healthful state. I put it in its own special place in my dining room, and kept a constant vigil of its color, the level of sunlight, and the soil hydration. A day or so later, I decided it’d be a good idea to look online for tips on how to care for ivy, because I had no idea what type of environment, amount of water, etc it needed. So I checked online and found an article with a lot of helpful tips. One tip was that people tend to over-water their ivy, and it gets moldy. Noted. Ivy doesn’t need much sunlight. Got it. Make sure it is in an appropriate container to allow for adequate soil drainage. Check. Then I read the following: “Ivy prefers slightly alkaline soil. If your soil is acidic, add lime.” Aha! Acidic soil! That had to be the culprit.

Now, I’m going to pause here for a moment and explain to those who may not already know – I am a very literal person. Very. Whether it’s a good or bad thing, that’s what I am. So, when I see an article that says “add lime” I’m going to add lime. Well, apparently the person who wrote this article was referring to agricultural lime, which is a compound of calcium and magnesium, used to raise the pH of soil. But when I read lime, my thoughts went straight to the little green fruit.

I needed to go to the grocery store that evening anyway, so I went ahead and picked up two or three limes. I came home from the store, humming “put the lime in the coconut”, and proceeded to squeeze the juice from one of the limes right into the soil where my ivy sat silently screaming. Very pleased with myself and my diligent research and follow through, I sat back knowing the ivy would perk right up within a few days. The next day my mom came over to the apartment, and I very proudly told her the whole story, and explained that I expected to see a rapid transformation within the next few days. To her credit, she managed to keep a straight face during my story. Then she asked me, “When you say you added lime to the soil, what exactly do you mean?” I told her I cut a lime in half, and then squeezed the juice out of it, into the soil. Again, to her credit, she didn’t laugh in my face immediately.

But she has not let me live this one down, and I no longer have any room to talk about the fact that she kills plants. Because I not only kill them, I managed to devise a plan to torture and kill my plant. The ivy actually did start doing okay over the next several days. But then I guess it soaked up so much acid from the lime juice that it took a turn for the worse and deteriorated at an alarmingly rapid rate, then finally croaked.

I’m hoping at least some of my grandmom’s ability was passed along to me, and that the ivy incident was a one-time thing. But I won’t quit my day job, just in case.

Running

2008-04-09T21:55:00.007-05:00

This week I began my own “training” program, designed by yours truly, to get myself in better shape. I was looking at the requirements for the physical fitness test for Air Force Officer Training School. Basically they require each person to be able to do a certain number of pushups in one minute, a certain number of situps in one minute, and be able to run a mile and a half in a specific amount of time. Pushups don’t really give me any problems, but I’m going to slowly build up to being able to do more. I could do situps all day long, so no problem there. But running. Ah, running. So begins my next post.

First, some background: For those who know me even fairly well, think back to a time when you saw me running… or doing anything really quickly, for that matter. I myself have recently tried to pinpoint exactly what type of occasion or event would inspire me to run from point A to point B. The only thing I have been able to come up with is – if someone or something is chasing me with the intent to kill. Short of that, I will only be inspired to walk briskly.

So this week I left the familiarity and comfort of my old friend the elliptical trainer. I have spent many hours on that machine, while reading a book, listening to my iPod, watching TV, juggling knives, you name it. On this machine you can do whatever you want while you’re exercising, which means you distract yourself from any discomfort you may be experiencing. You can do these things because you determine your own speed, and it’s pretty impossible to fall off unless you’re trying to do something stupid. Today, since I am trying to get in better shape, and increase (actually, develop is a more accurate word here) my ability to run for a respectable amount of time, I did not get on the elliptical trainer.

Instead, I walked right past it, straight to the dreaded machine…. where trepidation and angst hover like a looming thundercloud. The last machine in that place that I would ever get on willingly. That’s right. The treadmill. So here is the first of my two questions: Why would anyone voluntarily throw themselves onto this racing conveyer belt of death?? I don’t think people who run on treadmills are running for enjoyment, relaxation, or even for the health benefits. They are running for their lives. Because if they stop running, they will be forcefully hurled into the wall that is always conveniently located fifteen inches behind the treadmill. I think anytime you see someone on a treadmill, either it’s their first time, and they have not yet figured out how to turn the thing off… Or it’s someone who has conquered the fear of being pitched directly into a solid concrete wall, and they get some sort of thrill from achieving this victory on a regular basis. Whatever. More power to them.

The second question I have is this: Whether on a treadmill or not - why in the world do people enjoy running?? I can imagine what might be enjoyable about it. You can clear your head, let your mind wander, and it makes you feel good because it gets your adrenaline going. Well, maybe it’s just because I’m new to it, but when I’m running, my body is screaming at me, “What are you doing??!!! This is not at all pleasant!! In fact, it hurts, and I want to stop NOW!!” And that’s just what I heard during the first 12 seconds or so into my run. I’ve heard runners say that there’s a point in your run that you have to just “push past” in order to keep going. I thought maybe they meant push past some mild discomfort or slight dehydration issues. Apparently they meant you have to push past your legs turning to jelly, your knees buckling, and your poor lungs positively begging for more oxygen. Basically, when you feel your major body systems shutting down, just “push past it.”

So the disdain I already felt towards treadmills has now been coupled with my absolute animosity for running. I managed to stay on that horrible machine for 10 minutes. That’s right. 10 minutes is all I could muster. And of that, only 6 minutes were spent running. I had to alternate 2 minutes walking with 3 minutes running. Pathetic, I know. And when I finally stopped, and stepped back on solid ground, the only thing that kept me from crumbling to the floor in a lifeless heap was the fact that my knees were already so sore they wouldn’t bend enough to allow me such a gracious courtesy.

So that was my day at the gym. Fun times. And I’m looking forward to many more…

A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

2008-04-01T19:17:00.005-05:00

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4

A gentle and quiet spirit is definitely something I aspire to have. I think some people consider gentleness to be an indication of weakness, but I think it’s the opposite. I think in order to be gentle you have to possess a certain type of strength. For example, in a difficult situation, you have to be able to dig deep and act out of that gentle and quiet spirit, rather than reacting according to your human instincts. A woman can be strong and still be gentle, because her strength comes from the Lord, and she can use that strength to be gentle to those around her.

Also, I think the word ‘quiet’ here means peaceful… not necessarily literally quiet. A woman with a quiet, or peaceful, spirit is someone who does not get rocked by every wave in life, and does not base her decisions, actions, or attitude on her feelings. A woman with a gentle and quiet spirit not only possesses the ability to remain calm and at peace, but she inspires these things in those around her.

The following is from the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge:

“That is what beauty says – All shall be well. And that is what it’s like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable in her feminine beauty. She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stops holding its breath. You can relax and believe once again that all will be well.”

This book talks about how many woman are so busy and stretched so thin that they are unable to feel any peace themselves, let alone instill a feeling of comfort and peace in those around them. Instead they cause people to feel the opposite, because they are striving and not resting. It also talks about how many of our role models are woman who are constantly on the go, getting things done, and making things happen. But the women in my life who I look up to are not like that. They have a certain quality about them. They seem to be at peace despite their circumstances, and just being around them causes me to feel the same way. These women are in no way weak, nor are they meek, mousy little women who never say anything. They are not strong in and of themselves, but they lean on the Father for everything, and it makes all the difference in the world. I am thankful for these women God has placed in my life for me to look up to, and I hope to be able to have the same impact on someone down the road.

When I am weak, then I am strong

2008-03-27T20:43:00.012-05:00

Since I am new to the blogging world, I have been trying to decide what I want my blogs to center around. Just the other day I made a list of my favorite Bible verses. Some of them I would like to memorize, and others I have already done so. The list ended up being very long, and I am still adding to it. So, I thought, why not use these verses as the topic for each blog? So, that's what I'm going to do.... and here's the first verse:

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

In this verse Paul is telling us what God's response was to his pleas for the thorn in his flesh to be removed. According to scripture, there is enough of God's grace (His unmerited divine assistance or favor) to meet our needs, no matter what they may be. When we go through trials in life that test our faith, we should remember that the end result of whatever we are going through will be a demonstration of God's strength. When we are experiencing difficulties, it is so easy to focus on the problem and lose sight of the big picture. During these times it is often difficult to even entertain a positive thought, let alone focus on one. But that is what we have to do in order to pull through.

I think what is difficult for some people (myself included) to grasp is that God is not saying "My grace is sufficient to get you out of this problem right now so you will be comfortable and not need me again until your next problem arises." Surprise! We still have to go through the trial. But we have God's grace and power to get us through it. If, every time we got into a jam, all we had to do was say, "God get me out of this" and he would do it...Then what would He be to us other than someone we used to escape situations we didn't want to experience?

Think about a happy time in your life - a time when everything was going well, and things just seemed be working out for you. Next think about a time when your life was turned upside down, or you found yourself in what seemed to be a never-ending series of unwelcome trials and struggles. Now, looking at each of these experiences, ask yourself when you felt God's presence the strongest. For me, I have seen God do incredible things in my life during times that nothing else seemed to be going right. Don't get me wrong, He does great things when things are going fine too. But the sad truth is that we really start seeking God and calling out to Him when we're down in the dumps. Sometimes when I have a string of really horrible days I think it's God trying to get my attention... like he's saying, "Hey, remember me?" If it takes a bad day to get us to draw closer to God, then I think He's willing to allow some bad days into our lives. After all, He is a jealous God. But that's another verse, and therefore, a topic for another day. :)

More Than a Conqueror

2008-03-23T10:40:00.006-05:00

I lost a dear friend recently. I lost him so quickly I didn't even know what had happened. One day he was alive, the next he was not. But I also lost something else - something even more important - my faith. This loss was not nearly as quick or as obvious, and perhaps not as complete, but for all intents and purposes, until a few weeks ago, my faith was gone. Adam's death shook me to my core, snatching out from under me anything not firmly rooted. I could tell myself that I'd be okay, and that with time it would get easier, but I was not seeing any evidence of that, and without faith, we rely on what we see. What I saw was myself becoming a whirlwind of emotions, not knowing what to expect from my own self. All I knew was that I did not want a life like that. I came to a breaking point one day, and literally could barely function. I could not think a rational thought, and I could sense myself sinking and sinking into a place I had never been. It terrified me.

Then two very special people in my life came along and grabbed me by the hand, and started trying to pull me back out. At first, their efforts did little more than keep me from sinking further, but at least that was progress. One of these people made me stop and take a step back. She told me to look at my life and decide what needed to give - because something had to. She told me I needed to get away. Any excuse I offered up she was not willing to accept. She offered to let me use her car, said she would pay for the gas, and she even called some friends to see if I could stay with them. She basically did all but drive me there.

The second person was my rock - my shoulder to cry on, and my listening ear. As hard as it was for me to reach out for help, she knew when I needed it. And as many other things as she probably needed to be doing with her time, she was more than willing to give me all the time I needed. She was ready to talk when I needed her to, and ready to sit in silence with me when I needed that. And she never lost faith in me. Though I had lost most of mine, she kept her's strong. She told me that even if I didn't have faith, she did, and she had enough for both of us.

After only the first day of my trip, I knew that I would be okay. So now, a few weeks later, I'm sitting here wondering exactly what happened to me. Did I lose my faith? Or was it my faith that kept me from going under? What I find ironic is that everything I've learned, and everything I needed to hear, all along was right there in black and white and red, in the Bible. I just couldn't accept it, mostly because I was angry. But now, whenever I think about what I've learned from all of this, I realize that it's a Bible verse I've read somewhere along the way. And now I just crave more of it.

The truths I was not accepting I'm now seeking out and wanting to find. The faith I thought was dead is suddenly unprecedentedly strong. And the God I was so angry with is the one I want to be close to more than anything. So, ultimately, what I've learned through this experience, and what I've known my whole life, are one in the same:

In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. And I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me. For neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I Will Be Okay

2008-03-13T22:21:00.003-05:00

I went to your hometown this week.

I went to the places we once visited,

Where you grew up,

And where you used to work.

I went to your house and saw your family.

When I first started this trip,

it was mostly just to get away.

But I knew I was also in search of something -

though I didn't know what.

Healing? Maybe. Closure? Perhaps.

I think deep down I was looking for you.

I knew you were gone,

But at the same time I didn't really know it.

I was still in a daze and

The reality of your leaving had not sunk in.

Well, this trip dropped me straight into that brutal reality.

The truth and pain hit me head on

When I saw all the places that we once shared,

Now without you a part of them.

It made me realize that

I did not need to get away from where I was.

I didn't need to search all around trying to find you.

Because no matter where I go,

You'll be there with me.

That's what happens when you love someone.

You're no longer your own person.

Part of the person you love becomes part of your very being.

That's what makes it so hard to let go.

You were part of me,

So I am having to let go of part of myself.

I am trying to pick up the pieces

of a life I no longer recognize -

A life without you in it.

But I will be okay.

The same thing that makes it

so hard to let go

is the thing that makes it easier to move on.

You will always have a special place in my heart,

and I will always love you.

And that's okay.

I've learned that that's not something

I need to get over or move past.

I just need to accept it and continue living.

Thoughts

2008-03-13T21:43:00.004-05:00

I think that tragedies,

As horrible and painful as they are,

Can ultimately bring some good with the bad.

I think the deciding factor is us -

whether we choose to accept it.

God gives and He takes away.

He took you away from me.

What choice am I faced with?

I can be angry at God,

And grow bitter and resentful.

I can choose to keep the void

you left open and painfully empty.

Or I can accept it as God's will,

And choose to fill that void

with His goodness and love.

Obviously, I'll choose the latter -

Because who wants a life of bitterness and pain?

Of course, if it were up to me,

If I were allowed to pick,

I'd choose to have you and my God.

But evidently I wasn't meant to have both.

So every empty place you've left behind,

I will let God fill.

He can be our mutual friend.

You're hanging out with Him in Glory,

And I'm clinging to Him to get through each day.

Goodbye

2008-03-13T21:42:00.001-05:00

You always refused to tell me goodbye.
Despite all the chances, you avoided it somehow.
Well I think that I finally understand why,
And I pray it will help me out now.
You said it was too permanent. Too final. Too sad.
And now I must say I completely agree
That saying goodbye must really be bad -
Especially when to you and by me.
We always parted with "see you later" and a smile,
Not knowing if "later" would be in days, weeks, or more.
And we always met again after just a little while,
And everything was exactly as it had been before.
Now I know why you hated this word,
As I'm trying to say it to you.
At the time your logic seemed so absurd.
But now, looking back, I know what to do.
See you later, my friend,
Whenever later may be.
When I arrive, my heart God will mend,
But until then save a mansion for me.
My tears God will wipe away from my eyes
And there will at last be no more goodbyes.