Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My Parents

My initial inspiration for this blog was the recent Mother’s Day holiday. My plan was to write a Mother’s Day post, but as soon as I started writing I realized that I really want to dedicate this to both my parents, because they both have been instrumental in shaping me into who I am today. And you don’t get one without the other - they come together as a package deal.

I know plenty of people who look back at their childhood and think, “Wow, I bet I can pinpoint exactly why I’m screwed up now.” They can think back to a certain argument with their parents that inevitably shaped their relationship with them. Or a careless statement made by a parent that shaped their own view of themselves. When I look back at my childhood I truly see the most carefree, joy-filled memories of my life, and I think “That is what I want mine and Shane’s children to experience with us.”

Some people argue the issue of nature versus nurture, and I am a strong believer that more often than not, nurture is the reigning champion. April, Emily, and I have always had (especially at childhood) totally different personalities, temperaments, interests, and ways of relating to others. Yet we all grew into strong, loving, Godly women who are capable of pursuing career and family goals, and maintaining healthy relationships with the people in our lives. I remember people coming up to my mom or dad and saying, “You really lucked out and got three amazing daughters.” I think it’s a far stretch to say it’s a coincidence that we turned out well. The only explanation needed is to take a closer look at who raised us.

Here are a few things I have learned from my parents:

To love God – The most important thing I’ve learned is to keep my relationship with God number one. Of course, with my Granddad being the pastor of our church growing up, it seemed like we were at church any time the doors were open. But they didn’t go to church and act one way, and then come home and act a totally different way. They have always lived what they believe.

To be myself – They never once said, “You should play this sport, or participate in this activity instead of that one.” They let us choose what we wanted to do, based on what interested us. Maybe I would have been better at soccer than at basketball, but I had no interest in soccer and loved basketball, so they encouraged me in basketball.

I can do anything - I can do and be whatever I desire to be, with God’s help.

Not to take myself too seriously. My family is very fun-loving, and willing to laugh at themselves. This doesn’t just make for entertaining family get-togethers, it really is important.

To take care of each other – Whenever any of us is in need of something, the rest of the family is always right there to pitch in and help out.

Family produces awesome friendships – My family members honestly are my best friends. My parents both have healthy relationships with their own parents, and I think that definitely provided a positive influence on us as well.

To serve other people – From watching my parents, I learned that when you see someone in need of help, you go help them. You don’t just say, “Oh tell me if you need something.” You just do it.

Hospitality – For as long as I can remember my parents have been very eager to have people over for dinner, or just to visit. And they are always willing to bend over backwards to make someone feel at home when they are visiting.

Commitment – This may be the most important one. My parents have been married for 32 years. During those years they have said repeatedly, not by their words but by their actions, “I am here for good. I’m not going anywhere, even if things get tough.”

Here are a few things my parents have given me:

Acceptance – My parents never pressured us to get all A’s in school. They said all they asked of us was that we truly did our best. I cannot think of ONE time in my life that either of my parents has criticized me for what I am, what I believe, or how I feel.

Encouragement – Acceptance and lack of criticism is nice to have, but it’s not enough to stop there. My parents always encouraged us in whatever we were striving to do, even if it wasn’t exactly what they had in mind for us. I can guarantee my Mom probably had many other ideas in mind for me outside of joining the military. But ever since I told her that’s what I wanted to do, she has been one of my greatest supporters.

Unfailing support – They have been there to walk with me through all of life’s big moments, from first steps and first words to graduations and first jobs. They have helped me through the happy moments and the sad – from the loss of family members and close friends, and leaving to join the military, to very recently, getting married.

A helping hand - They are always there to pick me up when I fall. No matter what kind of mess I get myself into, they are right there to gently pick me back up and get me back on track.

Time – Time is one of the most important gifts a parent can give their kids. My parents took the time to home-school us when we were young. My mom worked part-time, and the rest of the time she was home with us. My dad took us hunting, and taught us to shoot guns and go fishing. My mom taught us to cook, bake, sew, and read. My dad taught us to work with our hands, and how to cut the grass (though I definitely didn’t appreciate that one at the time). My mom taught us to love books, and to enjoy traveling to new places. My dad taught us how to build things. They helped us with homework and countless school projects. And if I had to guess, they are going to help teach all of those things to our children as well.

Sacrifice - When we were older, my parents sent us to a private Christian school. They didn’t send us to public school because it was cheaper and they would be able to drive brand new cars or go on extravagant vacations. They drove used cars and gave us the opportunity to attend the school they felt we would benefit from the most. I know that was a sacrifice.

Role models – My parents have shown me what it means to be a father, mother, husband, wife, and friend. They are not perfect, but they do their best. My parents have shown me what it is that I want for my children. Of course, being female, I’ve especially learned what I want to be as a mother. If I can be half the mother my mom was to me, I will consider myself to have accomplished quite a feat.

Shane gave me the best compliment the other day. We were talking about which characteristics I inherited from my dad, and which ones I got from my mom. He summed it up perfectly and said I got my dad's strength and my mom's heart. I agree 100%, and I am very grateful for it.

So even though it’s not Mother’s Day anymore and it’s not Father’s Day yet, I just want to say:

Mom and Dad, thank you. :)