The Elevator

Today I was sitting at my desk at work, and was struck with one of my frequent cravings – I needed some chocolate covered pretzels and, more importantly, some caffeine. So I ventured down to the company store on the ground floor, where I purchased these tasty treats. Already with a little extra pep in my step at the mere thought of getting some caffeine into my system, I struck up a conversation with a woman walking in front of me. She was not really walking, actually, but hobbling on crutches, with a cast on her foot. We were discussing the fact that we both had broken only one bone in our lives –the left ankle. As we approached the elevator, we were discussing the causes of the aforementioned broken bone (mine was a street hockey injury). We were joined by a third woman, we all entered the elevator, and each of us pressed the buttons for our respective floors. By this point we were discussing (don’t ever do this) how we tend to have a propensity for attracting accidents and misfortune.

No sooner had the elevator doors closed and the elevator started rising towards the first floor, when it suddenly came to a halt with a quite disconcerting grinding sound. So here we were, caught between the ground floor and the first. Two things immediately popped into my head. First, I managed to grab the pager off of my desk before I dashed from my desk in a moment of chocolate-craving madness. But had I grabbed my cell phone? Nope. I was stuck in an elevator with a pager. Fat lot of good that would do me. I suppose someone could have started paging me once they realized I was missing. But, really, what are the odds that they’d wander around the entire building listening for the beeping? No one in my group cares about me that much. My second thought was, after accepting that I would not be able to page my way free, that it was very fortunate indeed that I had just purchased my pretzels and Dr. Pepper. With such nourishing sustenance clutched in my hands, this meant I would survive longer than the others. Now I’m not naïve, I knew a struggle would ensue once they realized I was the only one with food. But I had already begun sizing them up, and I knew I could have taken either one of them had they attempted to snatch my snack from my desperate, life-threatened clutch.

While I was pondering these thoughts, the other two were beginning to look slightly distressed, and had begun (again, don’t ever do this) pressing random buttons within the elevator. Had I not been so well-prepared for just such an emergency with my pretzels, soft drink, and pager, I may have joined them. I had a fleeting curiosity about what it would be like to plummet back down to the lower level of the building, enclosed within a steel box. But it was very fleeting. As they continued to frantically press all of the buttons AT THE SAME TIME, I had already drifted back off into my dream world, where I was reflecting upon the life I had lived so far, and wondering if I had just bought my last snack. Well, evidently I was meant to eat more chocolate covered pretzels after these, because finally we felt the elevator rise a little more, then stop, and the doors opened.

As we exited the death trap, we each breathed a sigh of relief and laughingly made a comment about being glad we made it off that thing alive. The crutch-aided woman was already on her floor, so she hobbled off to wherever she was going. I immediately headed for the stairs. I glanced behind me and the third woman had just pressed the “Up” button outside of the elevators. The doors opened to the elevator right next to the one we had just been stuck on, and SHE GOT RIGHT IN IT. As I slowly began my ascent up the stairs to my desk, munching on my cherished pretzels, I began pondering the theories of natural selection and survival of the fittest.
There just might be something to those after all…