Leaving

For the last five or six years I have been interested in joining the Air Force. Up until this year, I had talked myself into thinking that it was a crazy dream that I shouldn’t try to pursue… that I wouldn’t have what it takes, and that the desire would pass in time. But it did not go away, and after lots and lots and lots of praying, I’ve realized that it truly is part of God’s plan for my life. I also have always been interested in medicine, and have had an overwhelming desire to help others. Which is what led me to the desire to pursue nursing. I just wasn’t sure how to go about getting through nursing school while holding down a full time job.

Now I am being given the chance to go for both dreams – the Air Force and nursing. I am so grateful and thankful, and I should be so full of faith. And I am, about 95% of the time. The remaining 5% of the time I spend wondering if I have what it takes. Not physically or even mentally… I know I can handle what’s coming once I get to Texas. It’s what has to happen before that. I don’t know how in the world I am ever going to say goodbye to my family and my friends. I have known no other life than the one I have here. I have gone to the same church my whole life, lived in the same city (or at least within a 20 mile radius of it) my entire life. Some of my friends have been with me from the beginning. We were in the nursery together, played on the playground together as kids, struggled through the awkward teenage years, and learned how to be adults together.

The concept of leaving is not a new one to me. What is new to me is being on this end of the goodbye. I have always been the one being left. Since I was a kid, I have grown attached to friends, only to have them move away and force me to say goodbye, and eventually (in most cases), lose touch. I have had people comment to me, “Gosh, everybody you get attached to really does pack up and move away, don’t they?” ha. So I am certainly no stranger to getting attached and having to let go. Again, what’s brand new to me is the whole experience of being the one leaving.

So please pray for me over the next few days, weeks, and months. I really am so grateful for this opportunity, and I am so thankful that God didn’t take this chance from me in spite of the fact that I took my sweet time to finally make the decision. But despite how obvious God’s calling on my life has become, it is still not easy to say goodbye.