“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if I had less. Fewer of certain things that are not inherently bad, but can get in the way of life nonetheless. I’m not talking about the obviously bad things in life such as grief, doubt, fear, health problems, traffic, or bad coffee. I believe most, if not all, people would want less of those things.
Rather, things such as talent, potential, ability, insightfulness, efficiency, productivity, well-roundedness. At what point does the possession of these qualities become more of a burden than a privilege? At what measure does the scale tip from advantage to responsibility and inconvenience?
At times I wish there were only one or two things that I had a talent for, or an interest in. Then at least I’d know what I’m good at, and that would give me some type of direction in life, when it comes to career choices. I try very hard not to compare myself to anyone, because I know that is a nasty trap to fall into. But sometimes I cannot help but envy those people who, with unwavering assurance, know exactly what they were made to do in life, and are able to pursue it whole-heartedly. Many know from childhood what they want to be – doctor, firefighter, lawyer, teacher, architect, mother, nurse, businessman. They have a talent and a passion for that line of work, and they strive virtually unhindered toward their goal. I don’t envy their passion or their determination – I have plenty of both. What I envy is the fact that they are able to narrow their interests and passions down to one thing (or even two or three), and create some sort of tunnel vision that keeps their focus on that goal.
I can’t imagine what life is like for people who are on one end of the spectrum. Those who have no passions, dreams, or goals to strive for. But I know that the same feelings of frustration, loneliness, and discontentment can result from having too many passions and goals. Too many interests and too much potential. Too many options. Knowing that you could create an entire list of career paths that you could pursue, randomly pick any one of those, and do just as well in it as you would in any of the others on the list. That is torture to me. I want to know that I’d be a much better nurse than a teacher. A better doctor than a lawyer. I want to know the one thing that I would be best at, and happiest doing. The field that would be lacking if I did not end up in it. Is there something that, if I didn’t invest my time and energy going after it, would result in someone’s life not being touched?
Maybe that’s a selfish way of thinking. But how haunting would it be to spend 30 years on one career path, and constantly wonder if I should have traveled a different path? I suppose that’s when we have to kick our faith into high gear and trust that God will put us on the path He wants us to be on. As long as we keep our focus on Him and trust Him to take control of every part of our lives, He will take care of the details. But sometimes trusting and focusing are very difficult things to do.
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